Daniel's 2nd meditations

Was brooding about yesterday's sermon as I was in JB yesterday. Ha. For once I felt justified to rant. We had the right theology, the right emphasis, the right attitude (I hope, if I can't judge my attitudes who else but God can?)... yet I won't say nothing happened, but it didn't match up to expectations.

Ha. I react and yet observe my reactions with detached curiousity. My reaction? Quite simple. The song "Knocking, knocking on the doors of heaven" is an understatement. I'm quite angry actually. Angry as in seriously fed up. Fed up that after so long of pressing in to this area, it's still not enough-- i.e. my reliance on God is still not enough.

Yet I'm not giving up. No no no...make me angry like that, where got give up one. Piang eh I'm gonna do whatever it takes to learn lor. If it takes humility, I better learn it. If it takes less human cleverness, it better happen (for me). I'm very fustrated that some simple thing like the promise of God to impart the Holy Spirit to his people is something I cannot flow into.

On the other hand, you can say I'm still observing my own reactions. Which is quite interesting. The Scriptures say that the KoG is something violent men take by force. Not sit there, tiao kah, wait for God to "make sth happen". It's pounding on the doors of heaven lor. Lots of prayer, lots of tears. And this is where I ask myself, how much have I paid so far.

I hope I'm angry enough to go to God, pound on his door, shed tears for the lost, and for the sheep who need His Spirit. And at the end of the day, this is the answer I'm left with: I'm a growing Christian. And growth is painful -- to know that we are far from adequate. And so to the Adequacy of Him I go.