It's hard to understand.

It's interesting.

Sometimes what we see as a privilege is not so to another person because it's offered too easily. That still doesn't remove it from being a privileged position though.

I feel that:

1. People unappreciate others thinking for them.

2. Maybe some people need to go through the route of hardship to decide for themselves.

3. What I've never understood is why people accept the norm as 'correct' rather than what the Word says.

Maybe I need to dwell more on the Word. We need to make that transition. And fast.

Oh Lord, you know that I feel unappreciated. I know it's just my point of view but I do feel that way. Because I've given opportunities and created a situation which I feel is good for this person, but somehow this person is unable to see how good it really is. And yet sees what is offered in the norm as what they really want. O Spirit, I have no problems with others not fulfilling what I am supposed to do. But for others unable to share a biblical perspective, that is painful. I thank you that you know all things and know my thoughts. Enable me to be a good mentor. I know I've done my best and done what I'm supposed to do. I can't think of anything more I could do. If there's anything more that must be done, it must be you.

You are my encouragement, my shield, and my reward. I look forward to you as my reward. Whatever this experiment may be, you are my reward. And all I want is you. You belong to me, and I belong to you. What this achieves or how this helps others only you know. I surrender to you. I do my best for your kingdom and not my own. You know that. I do my best because I love your sheep.

Give me the sheep that really will go the way of Jesus. Not that I am the only one choosing that way, but I know not many go the way you did. I hope to go that way. I pray you will give me sheep that will go that way with me. They can be an encouragement to me and it will remind me that all I have done I have not done in vain. You know I'm so sad that men and women of God are unable to pass who they are to other people. I now realise it's because it's hard to find the people who they can pass who they are to. Please, dear God. Let me not be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. Give me the right people, the people who will imitate me as I imitate Christ, the people who will benefit and be grateful for the ministry I do, the people that I can be proud of and take delight in. Grant me real Joshuas who love your presence, who love me, and people I can impart my heart to.

Weep.

I'm not the best person to relate to nor the person with the most pleasant tongue. But let my heart forever be on the side of good and let my tongue speak nothing but truth. Maybe being too correct is an irritation and being too insightful is a put-off. But can I see truth and not speak, see disaster and not lift a hand?

"But he did not entrust himself to them, for he knew what was inside man." At the end of the day, you are my ONLY reward. Even if no one commends me, you must commend me. You must! Or what would this sacrifice all be? Or why should I face all kinds of dangers? Or why should I defy norms of life which everyone takes for granted? Or why should I deny myself and follow you?

You must be my reward. Grant me yourself -- the sweetness of your presence, the power of your majesty, the massive abilities you have, and the wondrous friendship you had with Moses and Abraham. Through this ministry I will know you. I will know your glory, the fellowship of your sufferings, and the gong-ness of your disciples. And your amazing grace to all: both those handpicked by you and those who volunteer to be your Soldiers. I pray that in the same way I share in your sufferings, I will share in your joy.

Will continue to love them. Amen.