Update
2 nights ago, when lying in bed, I took back my heart from the many girls whom I had given it to. Somehow the Lord asked me to do that. Something I would never dream of doing, 'cos it sounds so flaky.
The thing that has been on my mind since Sat was "surrender". And it gave a good guess as to what lay behind the plateau of my spiritual walk. Surrender. To say, yes Lord, take it ALL. And so in my mind the Lord came into this room of many doors. And I felt led to open them all. And then this issue of my heart came into mind. And the Lord asked me to take back my heart, which I had left with so many people, and make it mine.
And so since he asked me to do it, I did it. I renounced all the emotional linkages I had formed with these girls, and forgave them and MYSELF in the name of Christ. And I said those words, "And I take back my heart and make it mine, in Jesus name". And somehow there was that sense of letting go. I felt a lot of tightening bonds over my heart let loose.
And then a thought struck me -- that I had to forgive those girls the way God forgave me. "Even as the East is from the West, so has he removed our rebellious acts from us". Which means I need to cut it loose and let it go (to literally choose to forget). To let it go as far from me as the East is from the West (or for the more mathematically inclined, as far as positive infinity X is from negative infinity X). Even in the same way as God remembers not my sins, I remember not those incidents anymore. And so I imagined all those incidents, like waste paper, being crushed up and thrown far far away into the horizon.
And I have taken back my heart. It came back piece by piece, even as the face of each girl appeared in my mind. And I feel this sense of wholeness affirmed.
Upon recalling what happened, I have a few logical conclusions. I recovered my heart from them, so that I would no longer be bound to them. And so that I can give it away to someone else who will care for my heart, rather than to leave certain bits hanging on someone else. I also thought of the "spiritual conclusion"-- that God alone is deserving of my heart, but as spiritual as that sounds, it just didn't click inside me. Rather, it's just the love of God for me. To set me free from burdens that are just a whole load of mess.
The thing that has been on my mind since Sat was "surrender". And it gave a good guess as to what lay behind the plateau of my spiritual walk. Surrender. To say, yes Lord, take it ALL. And so in my mind the Lord came into this room of many doors. And I felt led to open them all. And then this issue of my heart came into mind. And the Lord asked me to take back my heart, which I had left with so many people, and make it mine.
And so since he asked me to do it, I did it. I renounced all the emotional linkages I had formed with these girls, and forgave them and MYSELF in the name of Christ. And I said those words, "And I take back my heart and make it mine, in Jesus name". And somehow there was that sense of letting go. I felt a lot of tightening bonds over my heart let loose.
And then a thought struck me -- that I had to forgive those girls the way God forgave me. "Even as the East is from the West, so has he removed our rebellious acts from us". Which means I need to cut it loose and let it go (to literally choose to forget). To let it go as far from me as the East is from the West (or for the more mathematically inclined, as far as positive infinity X is from negative infinity X). Even in the same way as God remembers not my sins, I remember not those incidents anymore. And so I imagined all those incidents, like waste paper, being crushed up and thrown far far away into the horizon.
And I have taken back my heart. It came back piece by piece, even as the face of each girl appeared in my mind. And I feel this sense of wholeness affirmed.
Upon recalling what happened, I have a few logical conclusions. I recovered my heart from them, so that I would no longer be bound to them. And so that I can give it away to someone else who will care for my heart, rather than to leave certain bits hanging on someone else. I also thought of the "spiritual conclusion"-- that God alone is deserving of my heart, but as spiritual as that sounds, it just didn't click inside me. Rather, it's just the love of God for me. To set me free from burdens that are just a whole load of mess.
posted by theChosenCan at 4/20/2005 06:46:00 pm
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