ScreaM!

Yells:

"SCHOOLWORK SUXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!"

Thankew. *bows*

In Innocence

Dunno what's it about
You that makes
Me smile the way
I do.

Enchanting, indeed.
Alluring, indeed.

Is it the
Mystery? Or the
Secrecy? Or maybe there's a
Quiet web in you I don't really understand

You make me wonder. I wonder more
Whether he smiles at
You the way
I do.

Whether he is
He.

Or do I stand a chance, a chance
to chase
chance-chiseled creation --
a chance that might just slip me by

I hope not, for
You, for
Me.
I hope, it's meant
To be.

--Dan, Feb 2005

Joyful, joyful we are jolly! =D

1. I will praise you, LORD, for you have rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

² O LORD my God, I cried out to you for help,
and you restored my health.

³ You brought me up from the grave, O LORD.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

⁴ Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.

⁵ His anger lasts for a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may go on all night,
but joy comes with the morning.

⁶ When I was prosperous I said,
"Nothing can stop me now!"

⁷ Your favor, O LORD, made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.

⁸ I cried out to you, O LORD.
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,

⁹ "What will you gain if I die,
if I sink down into the grave? Can my dust praise you from the grave?
Can it tell the world of your faithfulness?

¹⁰ Hear me, LORD, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O LORD."

¹¹ You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,

¹² that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Sat service was a good service. Really. Presence of the LORD filled the room when we were worshipping. For once in a long long time I could confidently pray, "Thank you Lord for your presence". And yes, I'm very grateful. That the King of Glory would make his dwelling wif peeps...like us. =)

Was so joyful I could hardly contain it. For Youth Alpha, we had 4 new people! for the 1st time, since last year, the non-Christians outnumber the Christians on the programme!

All glory to God. *bigg smile*

Some things should never be said

Some things should never be said. Ever.

I'm regretting it already.

Badminton!

Haha. Today is a very entertaining day. First I woke up to find that my friend Meihu, who is now in NS, was sitting right at my bedside waiting for me to get up. Yes. And I didn't even know he came through the door. =P I finally realised he was there, got a shock of my life....and carried on sleeping. :D He had to pillow fight me to get me up...

Then after that I went badminton with all the outreachers! YEA! =) It was so so fun, with Kelly shouting "YES!!!" at every point she got and laffing at the way I run; me bullying the opposite team by always whacking where the gers won't run, stuff like that hiakz. Summore Glenn was commenting before the match how his ego will get a major beating after playing with the girls. Hiaks. Guess not. :P We guys still have some skill, and a lot of strength =D But overall I enjoyed the bonding la. Glenn and Wenshan said the game was too short. No harm, got reason to organise another one! :))

Then after that coached Wenshan on the piano, 'cos she's playing for service this Sat. Heh. She looked very very kanchiong-spider. Haha. First time I see people scream when the get the note wrong. So cute hahahahhaa =PpP

After that, as I'm writing this, I just feel like sleeeeeeeping. In utter bliss. The effects of good exercise....*drifts off with big smiley on his face*

4 Janice

Jan, this blog is specially for u. ha. I'm glad I found a great buddy in you. =) Was really good chatting with you yesterday. I tend to assume that girls can hardly understand what I'm talking about and feeling...but having a sisthren in u is a real comfort! Hahaha.

I think, like u, I probably have been let down many times before la...you're probably braver than I am. Ha. I have laid that brave side to coma quite some time ago, as u know. Knowing you know how it feels somehow helps me gain more courage. Thanks for being God's listening ear to me, and for being my prayer buddy. Thanks!

Enjoy working with u in Alpha. Hope we will continue to do more great things for God =)

I'm still thinking.

I'm still thinking of the big questions, despite my reluctance to think about it. Seeing a friend's blogpost about 'The Art Of Loving' sets me thinking. Quite....a lot. (Although I am very biased against CLEO magazine....eeeee yucks. =P)

Right now, only a few conclusions:

1. Take Jesus' advice: Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow brings its own worries. Today's sorrows are enough for today. Wise advice. I feel sorrowful enough, hahaha. No need to add tomorrow's one.

2. Take Paul's advice: "Godliness with contentment is great gain. If we have enough to eat and drink, we shall be satisfied." And yes, I shall be satisfied regardless of whether I have a need or not. To find satisfaction with my Lord.

3. I don't have the emotional strength to place my emotions on the risk line, for now. Yet a nagging voice within me says that without risking anything, you gain nothing. Answer: no pt trying to find the answer. Just live one day at a time.

4. Take the moralistic lesson of Hamlet: "Thinking incapacitates action." Hamlet took so long to kill his uncle/step-father/murderer of his dad, something he had and wanted to do. I have no idea why I'm taking so long to do something I've been longing to do. Maybe I have an inkling. I think too much, do too little. Although, as Hamlet complains, I complain too: what can I really do??

5. Nah, let's take each day as if it were the last. Maranatha.

Singapore's Natural Education (SNE 03)

Today, as a velli velli guai kia in school, I have learnt that:

1. It is actually possible to come in time for JS lecture! Despite it being 10 a.m. in the morning! *yawn*

2. The first discount I've seen that most Singaporeans won't love:

"Failure to submit project outline by Friday results in immediate DISCOUNT of grade by 10%!"

3. As spoken by Japanese lecturer: "Education is a very impotent structure...especially in affecting society..."

4. Of course, we now know why Japan has such a low birth rate.

5. Not as low as Singapore, I must hasten to add. Especially since education is also very important here.

6. Reading other people's blog helps me to understand why they do what they do more. Unfortunately, minus the normal affection and friendship that usually comes with that.

7. How to speak Singlish, I mean English, the Japanese way.

Social class = "social grass"
Family = "farmily"
mobility = "mo-bidity"
common = "co-men" ('co' as in 'co-operation', or 'co-ma' *the state I am in right now*; and 'men' as in 'ye-men')
original = oRh-ree-gee-nile (with the same tone as saying o-ri-ga-mi)
Japanese = JAH-PAH-niss (looks like some hokkien swear word)

How we call the middle class, that is another matter = Cow we coal duh middle grass, dud ees another MA-tuh.

8. I feel fab at being able to learn 2 new 'languages' in one sem: Hongkie and Jappie.

Just when you are standing firm...

...be careful you do not fall.

Have you seen a K.O. before? That one crucial blow that floors the opponent. Today I was floored by my adversary.

I am weak but Thou art strong, Jesus keep me from all wrong...daily walking close to Thee, let me be, dear Lord, close to Thee.

Feeling: Guilty.

V-dae!

Hey guys, happy v-dae to all of ya, haz. =) I have no activity today, so I'm prolly gonna join the singles for "fren-ship dae" potluck @ jurong kechil.

To all my friends who have special someones, "Groovy bay-bee!"

=P

Righto.

Following complaints that I have not been updating my blog, especially from CONCERNED citizens (euphemism for KAPOism) about last Monday's date, I have written a new entry and dated it to Mon. =P Access it here.

I am stronger than yesterday. So happie!

Haha. Really thank God. From the doldrums, I'm up and ready to go again.

It's something about being full of God and moving in his anointing. Today, when Auntie Florence prayed for me, I felt a sudden upsurge in my personal strength. It was as if the Holy Ghost came strongly (tho quietly), into my life and just broke all the dust that was collecting these few weeks. God truly moves through people and answers prayer. =D

May there be more good posts like these to come. Amen! =))

Ha. Monday blues? Nah.

Ok, today was a pweety interesting day. Slept very late last night 'cos I was suPPering and chatting to a few gal pals, one who had pretty startling news for me. Can't talk too much abt it, sensitive stuff. But compared to my inner struggles; it's like when u've got a broken leg, a tiny cut on the finger doesn't increase your pain much. Oh ya, Isaac agreed to take me as his drums student! Haha! Dunno whether he feels intimidated or not. But I really need to learn (and practice). I feel my confidence level not enuff. =P But I really love the drumZ... good to give some income also lor.

So today I woke up feeling quite fresh la, fresh from the doldrums, dat is. Went school for JS project knowing absolutely NOTHING about the subject. I think my project mates are gonna kill me next week. Never mind.

The highlight of the day was visiting one of my youth from a previous Alpha course. =) He got into an accident last yr and since then has been confined to home. The injury was as bad as I expected; he's got this permanent side parting kinda thing 'cos his head was whacked open by the impact and they had to stitch him up. Quite nicely the stitch lies within the side parting 'line'. I think I can give him some tips on hair-grooming after this. (Riiiight. Let's not be morbid.)

But it was nice la, talking to him and all, realising that it's still the same guy we're talking to (we had this impression he got some PhD after the accident). Watched kongfu hustle with him 'cos he can't really do any mentally straining activity. Poor guy. But I thank God for sparing his life lor. must continue to pray that he will fully recover...

After that, had a mini-date with Amadea. (dunno why I can never bring myself to call it a date.) Ha. Brought her shopping, in which I have learnt:

1. It is kewl to shop wif someone who can't shop. 'Cos your taste will always be better than hers *smirk*

2. When you both hate shopping, chop-chop-kurry-pop, over in less than an hr, is a good date.

3. I get to choose clothes for Amadea! HAHA! (when I get closer to her, ha, then I'll show her what I really have in mind. *wink*) Grand reversal of roles. Haha. I think it's quite fascinating actually.

4. She pulled what I will call the Malaysian-ger-simplicity stun on me--

D: "What would you like to do?"
A: "Anything, lor."
D: "Any preference in food?"
A: "Anything, lor."
D: "Which is your favourite colour?"
A: "Any colour also can, lor."

Piang eh. Hard to please. Like talking to alien likedat. (Ok, dun tell her I said that, LOL) And, of course, we ALL know that it's not really 'anything' lor, I need to guess, *ahem*, I mean KNOW what she is thinking. Ha. Magically, and without her saying, of course. :-P Piang eh! *slaps forehead*

5. That we can infer a few things logically from this experience. Either:

a. Malaysians are, to put it politically correctly, more SUBTLE about their wishes
b. Girls are hard to please
c. or of course, it's all *my* fault. (How could it be any other way?...) I must have been asking the wrong questions... (riiiiiight.)

6. That maybe I should've used a different line of approach in asking questions. =) Maybe "Shall we choose a more revealing top?" would have elicited a more conclusive answer! Like a slap.

Ok ok, enough of my nonsense. Brought her to my sec sch, RI, after that. Quite fun. Apparently school's a pretty romantic place to hang out when it gets dark and u can c the stars... :-)

We got chased out by the security guard. Not fun. So qiao, it was 10 p.m. and our dear Cinderalla had to rush home to meet her curfew. Shucks~~ =P Hahaha...

Should I ask this Mon? Hmm.

Now I understand

Quotable quotes which I finally managed to understand-- today.

1. As if recording a strange phenomenon, some Englishman recorded in his diary: "I have been to church today, and am not depressed."

2. Elton John: "I want love, but it's impossible...A man like me is dead in places (and the song continues:)

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
That's the love I want, I want love"

3. Lyrics from a song called Forever:

"...how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come

IF EVER I WAS LOST."

I finally understand what it's like to be in touch with one's humanity. But after today, I realised crying doesn't quite get you anywhere. Maybe it'll release stress and elongate your life (who wants to elongate this already too-long existence?) . But it didn't help me.

What helped me? Jogging did. When I ran, I realised I was running a race and probably pulled a muscle. And that's it's natural to get tired. And discouraged. And I realised that always the starting was the hardest, getting my big big torso to move, one that probably had become lazy as a result of too much computerwork. But slow and steady makes the last 3 rounds no kick at all.

Patience, my son, patience. And absolute confidence and trust.

Then my mind became clearer. And at least, I know I don't need to go sobbing any more. I have a need, as all people do.

Pray for me, if u read this? 'Cos the level of focus I have is obviously lessened by my need. For now, I taking one thing at a time. Not being too hasty. But pray. Pray. Don't pity, pray. Don't advise, pray.

But even as David say, so shall I say:

Ps 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Ps 16:9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
Ps 16:10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
Ps 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Schließlich bin ich hier!

ah, after a few days break, I'm back. =) wah today really felt real slack lor. (despite me doing many things, heh.) first, I went and got myself a camera phone with $38 (and added a bluetooth which makes me a real happy customer). =D of course i skipped lecture to get that done but that's ok, it's worth it.

this drama of mine is taking up loads of my time sia. already 2 pple have quit 'cos 1 PLAY per WEEK is too much for any live human to take. Still, we superhumans do what the Army taught us to do: (imagine a sergeant from Boot Camp shouting in your ear:) "Put PLASTER CARRY ON LA!!!! HURRY UP!!!! U WANNA CHAO KENG IZZIT?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Ya. Thank God my group survived. After 3 consecutive weeks of rehearsals I don't think we could've taken any more. And, u noe, I'm beginning to hate the contemporary arts scene. Does no good to my convictions as a Christian.

Surprisingly, today feels very empty. Talked to the Lord about my school today. Realise I need him more than ever.

Taught tuition and realised my youngster Nicholas is growing up. He's writing these love letters to some chio classmate of his sia (which, in my professional opinion, is NOT chio. But let's not shatter the tender guy's heart. =D) But piang eh. I see already I get envious sia. *arms folded*

Oh, and found out that my group member speaks German. And fluid German! So fun!

me and my pals. =) whooopie. 

Singapore's Natural Education (SNE02)

Tues seems to be learning day. Today, as a very guai student in school, I have learnt that:

1. There's so much more Honkie-ism to be learnt. =D

a. for "inspiration", say "inks-PI-ration" (PI as in PI-R-Squared, of course: what do u expect from a Mathematical Thinking class)

b. after certain sentences which you want to emphasise, say "wor"

2. The moon of Jupiter is Io. Very 'informative and interesting'.

3. That 'informative and interesting' is a euphemism for "dead boring and simply cannot make it".

4. Girls like faithful guys. Hey! Who said WE're not faithful?!?!

5. The problem is not with faithful guys. The problem is that girls take too long to make some good decisions.

6. Riiiiight. Especially good decisions like taking some initiative to rouse interest in a HIGHLY SENSITIVE GUY with very good lookS. Like me.

7. Ha. That trying to explain to a female friend how emotionally exhausting it is to chase a girl for an extended period of time, is probably not a very good use of time.

8. That God can speak through ICI. Hallelujah.

9. That the purpose of tongues is not to spark off some debate and to stumble new believers. To *ahem* my GREAT surprise, it is to EDIFY ONESELF by communing with God. Wow. Earth-shattering news.

10. That I've been so busy "not trying to stumble others" that I deny myself of the very thing I was trying to keep. and its one of the reasons I didn't fully join Crusade. Bummer.