Mmmm.

I wish I could be all I am and more.

To fulfil my destiny in God, to see Him glorified. To be rid of my pesky sins which separate me from Him. To reflect His glory.

I believe. I believe in His promises: that because of Him, I will see myself transformed, conformed into the image of Christ. Like Abraham, who knew the facts and yet believed, I also know my facts. But I believe.

I believe that there will be a next revival in my life.

Son of Man, can these bones live?

God, only you know.

Steadiness

The idea is to be STEADY.

Down and tired

That's usually what happens when I lose my regular routine and my time with God...

A man of many needs

Today, I realised I am a man of many needs.

It's easy to forget I have these needs when they're being taken care of by people. But without these people, these needs resurface.

The sooner I realise I need people, even to enjoy my individual life, the better.

God has given me some really good people in my life. It's amazing how these people have contributed to the man I am today. These people I will always treasure: Daddy, Mummy, and Jan.

I will never walk away from the destiny you have for me, Lord. To learn contentment, that's all I ask. To be settled and still where I am, knowing you are the one who can truly push me forward.

I hope my needs will be fulfilled one day. They seem to be a bottomless pit. Maybe they are. Maybe they are why I need people. Maybe they will also be the reason why I can finally stay still.

Sometimes I wonder why some initiatives seem like bashing my head upon the wall. I was not cut out for it. Really. I try, but I'm just not cut out for it. I'm too emotionally needy to be able to stand on my two feet.

Maybe this neediness will never stop.

But I will be content. And I will say of the Lord,

"You are my shield, my strength,
My fortress, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower,
My ever present help in times of need."

I am strengthened. My self-image is up. It stops being bashed. It is now renewed.

I will stop relying on the praises and attentions of others. May his strength be more than enough. To stop relying on the wayward support of man that needs striving. To have faith, not desperation. To move, resting.

These are the sayings of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him.

"O my son, son of my womb, O son of my promises, do not spend your strength on women, on those who ruin kings. And it is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave liquor. For if they drink, they may forget their duties and be unable to give justice to those who are oppressed. Liquor is for the dying, and wine for those in deep depression. Let them drink to forget their poverty and remember their troubles no more. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, ensure justice for those who are perishing. Yes, speak up."

Yes, I will do so. Abandon foolishness for the perishing, but for me who is rising, to follow wisdom. To stop chasing after the wind. My heart tears at this nonetheless. But it is for the good of my esteem. And it is the will of the Lord.

Found a new grace...

Amazing Grace. Seriously, truly, amazinggg.
Nothing that I could do to prove anything to you, dear Lord. But you have given me everything.
Today I draw. Draw upon your love, and your amazing security and grace and freedom for me.

Amazing love, how can it be
That you my King would die for me

Open up the gates and let the King of glory in
Fill this house with praises as we lift our hands and worship you
...King of Heaven we dance before your throne.

Grace...
I am charged up and ready to meet the day. =)

One stupid post to squash them all

Welcome to this post: a one-in-a-million post in which Daniel gets a chance to release/sublimate his stupidity. Don't say you weren't prewarned.

Ok, the stupid but thrilling things that have been happening in my life:

1. Attachment @ Bowen: recently, I got a chance to work pretty closely with this really chio (in my opinion) teacher. I had to teach in her class, so we had to work on that together, plus she's also helping me to get my project done. Ha ha. Me being the silly guy that I am, am swooning every time I need to discuss things with her. (So stupid right)

Why-- you may ask: well, the reasons are few (and superficial):
1. She has a crooked, but utterly heartwarming smile.
2. She has this really cute demeanour and behaviour, the little bit crazy kind that just lightens everybody's day. She has a real talent in making people smile; :)
3. She's like this superteacher: handling so many projects at a time, doing so many things at one time-- yet, she never loses her sense of humour/smile.
4. She has these beautiful legs that seem to stretch forever whenever she sits down.

I'd rate her personality as Sanguine+Phlegmatic (primary) + Choleric (secondary).

But in case some people are seeing green, she is a bit of the "lao chio". Ha. And 'cos she's so Phlegmatic, it's hard to really know her lor (at least in a short period of time), other than this cute sweet nice teacher that brightens up everybody's day. So there.

AND she's married. So let's just fuhgeddaboutit. :D

2. Daniel has also been enjoying this attachment 'cos of the amount of boh-liao-time that the "scholars" (frankly, I don't feel very scholarly, I feel like the Ah Beng of the grp) enjoy. Sometimes, like today, it's plain boring. Other times, I'm trashing girls (sorry la, not that I chauvinistic or wat, it's just that there are no other guys around) in Chinese chess, playing UNO, listening to Simple Plan, and writing poetry. Very very fun. I got inspiration for a poem from hearing some sentimental music in an art class...and guess what? Out came a love poem from nowhere...and I managed to use it to teach poetry! The best part is that the students loved it!

(Oh, sidenote: We scholars have been found out. My chio teacher told me that she went into the conference room for a mtg and saw on the laptop what our REAL schedule was like -- she saw "youtube.com" on the web browser. HIAK HIAK.)

3. Other thrilling thing is that the sec 1s are beginning to recognise a Mr. Ng and always greeting him profusely when he is near. Hallelujah. Even the sec1s who had tried to be mischevious in my class wanted to have lunch with me. A great compliment for any teacher, I must say (altho the popularity charts usu don't last long in a Secondary Sch).

4. Ps Dex is gone (sigh) but hey, Ps Roger is here. Will need to set aside time to entertain him...

Anyway....I'm feeling very stupid, yet I kinda like the stupid side of me. :P The superficial, fickle side had been buried for very long. Now that it is resurfacing, I keep it within wraps, but don't wanna smother it altogether. It really can be quite fun....so long I keep it under control =))

And for friends of the bride, don't worry: my heart still remains with my Dearie alone. Just musings from the immature side that needs to grow up. =)

P.S. My Dearie is being interviewed tonight for a Youth Pastor's position. Pray. =)

Boo! Day of embarassing moments

Haix. Haixxxxxx.

A teensy weensy upd8 since my attachment...

Hi everybody! (esp my fan club)

1. Ok, I've started my attachment at this sec sch called Bowen Sec. It's an attachment I've had to do 'cos MOE pays for my school fees and gives me cash, so these three weeks, I'm required to work for them for free. Lol. Actually, it's not really work la, more like a training programme put together for the load of us. So far, God's been good, and it's been real fun.

2. Besides that, my usual routine of tuitions etc has been going on, plus my business. Wah, really not ez. The business is like a baby, I can't leave it hanging, but have to take as much care of it as I can. So I've been doing so. Wanna thank God for making the impossible a possible. I don't know how to explain it. When I first looked at the stats, it was real bad. Like unsellable. Then left the matter to the Lord, received new faith, and after 3-4 days of prayer looked at the figures again. Suddenly, something clicked. It's possible! :D

3. Thank God for Ws's call yesterday. That girl will not be reading this, but she has no idea how much her call encouraged me that day. Somehow, I needed reassurance that my work for God means something to the people I minister to. And I felt very very reassured by her call yesterday.

4. I think the one need in my life has been a need for security, for acceptance for who I am, and I think me being who I am, this kind of blessed assurance can come only from God. Felt this today as I was going home from school (Bowen) and thinking on the day's events. And I think sometimes subconsciously I can perform what I do for the sake of receiving assurance, hoping to get some kind of encouragement for what I am doing. That's not very healthy. I need to place my boast in Christ alone, not in my gifts, talents, and a whole load of superficial stuff. And I know I need encouragement. I will find that encouragement by humbling myself before people, and receive the encouragement that comes from them and from the Lord. Amen.

5. Some more notes on the ministry. I felt so broken on Mon-Tue. I don't know why. I had an excellent time of experiencing the Lord and of moving in His Spirit, but I felt very empty. Jan says it's a spiritual attack. I agree. When I took arms and rebuked the stronghold of doubt, I received more and more strength from the Lord. When Jan talked to me that night, I felt more strengthened, though still broken. And when the Lord just gave me more grace on Tue, I felt a breakthrough. A breakthrough that happens because of faith and not because of other feelings.

6. Some more notes on work: I hope to come to that place where I am fully reliant on God for success at work. I am heading there, and I will reach there soon. Amen.

7. (sings) Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
Nor let the strong man boast in his strength
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
But let the faithful come and give thanks

To the one who made us
The one who saved us

I will boast in the Lord my God!
I will boast in the One who's worrrrrr-thy
I will boast in the Lord my God!
I will boast in the One who's wor-thyyyyyy

He's worthy!

(Low tone)
I will place my trust in Christ alone
I will place my trust in Christ alone

(One octave higher)
I will place my trust in Christ alone!
I will place my trust in Christ alone!

I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One who's worthy!
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One...

Who's worthy. =)

8. I wrote a poem today, but I shall not upload it 'cos it's one of those reminiscent poems which can lead to a lot of misunderstandings if not properly understood (the last part of that sentence was SO duhh). Ya. So I shall not upload it.

9. And yes: I broke a new record today! 15 laps continuous freestyle! Wooohooohooo!